2 posts tagged “assholes always get the girl in the end”

Sacrifice.

It'd be a reoccurring theme if my life were a movie. It happens. A lot. Sacrifice. Something has to be given up. By me. It's always by me. It's never anyone else, or so it seems.

The weekend that just passed really wore me down. I feel like I'm still recovering from it, but, I'm not. I'm really not. I'm still feeling really uneasy, and to make matters worse, life keeps throwing me these curve balls. One right after the other.

Saturday night, April 5th, I had conversation with my friend Jesyca. It's incredible to think that I was able to call her friend. I hurt her. I broke her heart. It was what the conversation was about. Me, breaking her heart. And me acknowledging it. I didn't back away from it. I apologized a lot, and I was quite surprised that she didn't hate me. She should hate me.  She really should. In fact, her not hating me is probably the most merciful the fates have been to me. I was shocked and thankful.

I met her here about 2 years ago. I saw her picture and though, "Man, she's cute!" and sent her a friend request. She accepted. We started talking immediately. Eventually, we met up in real life and began hanging out. Over that time, I developed a crush on her. It was mutual.

I felt happy.

But, in the back of my mind, I was terrified to be with her (as her boyfriend). I thought about commitment, and freaked. I had flashbacks of Pennie. 2 years came, went and turned to dust, in what seemed like the batting of an eyelash. It crushed me. I thought about that happening again. Eventhough she made me happy, that feeling never went away.

We talked about that.

Flash forward to today:

She IMs me to tell me that her boyfriend (She mentioned him for the first time, randomly, about 2 months ago) was asking questions about me. I asked her "why would he be asking about me?" She had asked him the same and he had replied with "I have my reasons" which translates to "hey, I feel threatened because I'm insecure." Well, that's what it looks like to me (no, wait. That's exactly what it is. He actually told her to "respect" and stop talking to me).

The last thing she said was "I want things to work with him and I don't wanna be sad."

So, I left, said "Then, I'll leave you alone. Bye" and I blocked her.

She deleted me off her Myspace. Awesome, huh?

See...I don't understand one thing...If you saw this dude...he's one of those sub-culture confused Ghetto "fabulous" guys. He's also bigger than me. I dunno why he'd feel threatened by me at all an... Oh, wait, he's a Ghetto guy. They're all insecure assholes. My bad.

Yeah, this sucks, but, if she's happy with him, then, so be it.

I wanna headbutt something/someone. Take a guess who.

Asshole.

[END]

So, today, during lunch, I recieved a phone call. It was from Jerry. He had called me to tell me that Cecily, this chick who I had some deep feelings for, on and off due to our situation (she's a woman and I'm a nice guy), was dating this dude, Oscar, whom I despise, because he's a scumbag. Awesome, right? I know.

Anyways, it's like, it left me speechless. It really did. I just, didn't know what to say. I mean, I said things, but, overall it was one of those, "OMG, WTF?" situations.

But more about this dude. I was friends with him for sometime, but, yeah, I got totally sick of the his apparent "If I'm not getting pussy, neither is Glen" thing that he had against me. He's cockblocked (I hate using that term) me on sooooo many ocassions, it's ridiculous. Like, the time that it really stood out was with this chick I was into a few years ago. Her name was Jessica. He was really obvious with that one. And when I confronted him about the whole thing, he denied it, only for me to discover that he really was trying to hook up with her sometime later. Shit, that sounds confusing, but, yeah, he's still a dick. And now he's a dick with Cecily, who is quite possibly the only chick after Pennie who just, completely blew me away. I mean, I've hung with a few other girls, and yes, they're mad cool, but, Cecily has this energy that she fills me with. Not to mention that our chemistry (well, IMHO) was really rad, rad enough to merit us as people who can totally date. Heh. Sadly, she's rather have me as a "Pretend Boyfriend" (you know it's true), like a lot of other girls. Fucking, it's insulting.

Let me elaborate as to why it's insulting:

She's done nothing but blog about what she wants from a guy, and not to toot my own horn or anything (I hate that expression, too) but, I feel like, I'm that guy. I'm what she wants. It's maddening, or really, it used to be maddening, when it really bothered me. Yeah, I'm kinda upset now, but, it's more along the lines of it just being utterly dissappointing. It almost makes me regret going out of my way to see her on Mondays. Yeah, I'd basically take an hour bus ride to fucking have coffee with her, for like, what, 30 minutes? Or how about going out of my way to get to her area (same route as on Mondays) to hang with her, because some shithead flaked on her (they've always flaked on her). And lest I forget the thing where she fucked her friend's ex. I didn't judge her about that all. And other things. A lot of other things. Things that she's gone on and on and on about. I've done them. With a smile. Without a moment's hesitation. For what? For this? To be second to someone like him? It's not right.

Plus, oh yeah, he's a scumbag. He's fucking cheated on every chick he's been with. I have confirmation of that. I'm not saying who told me, but, yeah, I have confirmation. Also, if you look at every comment he's ever left her, it's mad blatant "I want to fuck you" shit. Yeah, Cecily, he likes you for you. By "tits" he really means your personality. It's obvious he doesn't respect her, but, you know what, that's her issue. Once again, she's negated everything that she's ever written about wanting from a dude.

I did call her today, during my lunch, that I barely touched (it was Chipotle...) and just let her know what I felt towards the whole thing (lots of what I wrote here was in that) and I let her know that as long as she's with him like that, I refuse to talk to her or remote know her. I'm tired of being "the bigger man." Fuck that shit. I'm putting my foot down. No more of this spoiling shit (yeah, because, you shouldn't have your cake and eat it). It's me or him, Cecily. And you chose him.

Have fun.

P.S. - Not to sound like a dick (too late), but, right now, I really wish you dug that knife deeper into your arm when my cousin was fucking with your head.

Fuck you, cock.