2 posts tagged “pissed”

I haven't been on form as of late. It stems from this whole "It's almost my birthday" funk that I seem to fall into almost every year. Usually, something makes me fall into this "funk." Or someone. Last year, it was Pennie telling me that she had met someone else. Yes, she felt the need to tell me at that exact moment. The night before my fucking 23rd birthday. What impecable timing.

This year, it's a few things. Here goes:

First off, apparently, I must be a good luck charm, because, when you women have any interest in me, which eventually fizzles, you find someone else. Instantly, especially when you fuck me over. I mean, at least that's how it looks from here. It's fucked up. It's also really fucking depressing because, seriously, why should you be happy after fucking me over? Huh? Why should you just happily walk away, and I writhe in silence?

And, egh, I kinda like someone at work, but, she doesn't seem to be interested. Who saw that coming?

This ultimately goes in the direction of me thinking that there must be something wrong with me. I mean, everyone leaves, everyone gets over me, and, oh yeah, I must be fucking ugly, too. Sometimes, I wish I had a typical shit eater grin. You know the one. The one that when you see it, the first word out of your mouth is "wow, that dude looks like an asshole." And you're usually right about it. If I had this specific type of grin, women would draw specific conclusions about me and my character, and you know, fuck me, because, we all know that a woman will take an asshole over someone who's genuinely good.

Also, I've got to stop liking chicks for their personalities. I've got to start fixating on their breasts or something, because, you know, women love being told that they have "nice tits" as opposed to "wow, you're an awesome person." An awesome example of that was Cecily, who would have rather dated (wait, she actually did) a dude who only commented on her body and is practically a date rapist. That was a much better choice than say...me. But, with her, I really shouldn't feel bad. She has terrible taste. I would have probably stood a better chance if I was, per say, a tool. Yeah, she likes tools. Only tools. Yet, all she ever does is bitch and moan about how much she hates tools. Next time she says that (if I ever choose to freely IM her again), I should just tell her to "Shut up and stop fucking them, because, yeah, all you fucking date/fuck are tools." 

But, yeah, I really shouldn't let it get to me. It's not my fault most women are fucking selfish, chickenshit hypocrates.

Oh, and speaking of chickenshit hypocrates, I ran into this chick Athena today. Wait. Scratch the "ran into" part. She walked by me and "didn't recognize me" (I'm sure she recognized me) and I say "didn't recognize me" because, back in high school, where I first met her, we were pretty close. It's also safe to say that I was into her, and she into me, but, yeah, in the begining (actually, the first fucking day) of my Senior year (her Junior), she stopped talking to me, because, get this, she had gotten a (rich) boyfriend, which I had to find out from someone else. Yeah, she also stopped talking to me, almost instantly. Just me. No one else. Just me. It was really fucked up, considering how close we had gotten the year before. So, seeing her today, probably happier than a pig in shit when she doesn't deserve it, infuriated me.

It goes back to the whole "If you dick me around emotionally, you'll be happy" thing I mentioned earlier. It's fucked up and I hate it. Fucking, she doesn't deserve to be happy. At all. She's fucked up. And a chickenshit. She obviously couldn't handle being with someone like me. Well, good. Fuck her.

Ugh, I dont' want to be at work today. I just want to lock myself up at home and listen to Ion Dissonance.

So, today, during lunch, I recieved a phone call. It was from Jerry. He had called me to tell me that Cecily, this chick who I had some deep feelings for, on and off due to our situation (she's a woman and I'm a nice guy), was dating this dude, Oscar, whom I despise, because he's a scumbag. Awesome, right? I know.

Anyways, it's like, it left me speechless. It really did. I just, didn't know what to say. I mean, I said things, but, overall it was one of those, "OMG, WTF?" situations.

But more about this dude. I was friends with him for sometime, but, yeah, I got totally sick of the his apparent "If I'm not getting pussy, neither is Glen" thing that he had against me. He's cockblocked (I hate using that term) me on sooooo many ocassions, it's ridiculous. Like, the time that it really stood out was with this chick I was into a few years ago. Her name was Jessica. He was really obvious with that one. And when I confronted him about the whole thing, he denied it, only for me to discover that he really was trying to hook up with her sometime later. Shit, that sounds confusing, but, yeah, he's still a dick. And now he's a dick with Cecily, who is quite possibly the only chick after Pennie who just, completely blew me away. I mean, I've hung with a few other girls, and yes, they're mad cool, but, Cecily has this energy that she fills me with. Not to mention that our chemistry (well, IMHO) was really rad, rad enough to merit us as people who can totally date. Heh. Sadly, she's rather have me as a "Pretend Boyfriend" (you know it's true), like a lot of other girls. Fucking, it's insulting.

Let me elaborate as to why it's insulting:

She's done nothing but blog about what she wants from a guy, and not to toot my own horn or anything (I hate that expression, too) but, I feel like, I'm that guy. I'm what she wants. It's maddening, or really, it used to be maddening, when it really bothered me. Yeah, I'm kinda upset now, but, it's more along the lines of it just being utterly dissappointing. It almost makes me regret going out of my way to see her on Mondays. Yeah, I'd basically take an hour bus ride to fucking have coffee with her, for like, what, 30 minutes? Or how about going out of my way to get to her area (same route as on Mondays) to hang with her, because some shithead flaked on her (they've always flaked on her). And lest I forget the thing where she fucked her friend's ex. I didn't judge her about that all. And other things. A lot of other things. Things that she's gone on and on and on about. I've done them. With a smile. Without a moment's hesitation. For what? For this? To be second to someone like him? It's not right.

Plus, oh yeah, he's a scumbag. He's fucking cheated on every chick he's been with. I have confirmation of that. I'm not saying who told me, but, yeah, I have confirmation. Also, if you look at every comment he's ever left her, it's mad blatant "I want to fuck you" shit. Yeah, Cecily, he likes you for you. By "tits" he really means your personality. It's obvious he doesn't respect her, but, you know what, that's her issue. Once again, she's negated everything that she's ever written about wanting from a dude.

I did call her today, during my lunch, that I barely touched (it was Chipotle...) and just let her know what I felt towards the whole thing (lots of what I wrote here was in that) and I let her know that as long as she's with him like that, I refuse to talk to her or remote know her. I'm tired of being "the bigger man." Fuck that shit. I'm putting my foot down. No more of this spoiling shit (yeah, because, you shouldn't have your cake and eat it). It's me or him, Cecily. And you chose him.

Have fun.

P.S. - Not to sound like a dick (too late), but, right now, I really wish you dug that knife deeper into your arm when my cousin was fucking with your head.

Fuck you, cock.